A study in hyperbole

Riding my bike to school this morning, I gave silent thanks to the city of Fort Collins for providing paved trails through green spaces that intersect the city in commuter friendly locations. The unseasonably comfortable temperatures and the absence of cars mean I can pretty much zone out and dream of additional sleep as long as I don’t run down any joggers.

This morning I thought about how much I would miss this place if I were to be accepted to a pathology residency at Washington State University. I went to undergrad 8 miles across the border at University of Idaho, so we’d literally be back where we started. There isn’t much of a job market for mechanical engineers in that area, so we’d likely need to live closer to Coeur d’Alene, where I grew up.

This got me to thinking about which area is nicer.

Left your sunglasses at home
FTC: I just burned a hole in my retina
CDA: No problems! It’s forecasted to be cloudy all month

The locals
FTC: It’s all good, man. Want some weed?
CDA: Omigod! What if I get the gay on me?

Bar scene
FTC: 6 microbrewery taprooms within 5 miles of our house
CDA: I think there’s one bar downtown where frat boys like to go to get into fights 

Seasons
FTC: 4 seasons, each one blown away via gale-force winds
CDA: Winter, mud, 2 weeks of summer, mud 

Pressure from your peers 

FTC: Let’s go on a 10 mile trail run followed by beer!
CDA: Have you heard the word of God?

The natives
FTC: Colorado is the best! I’ve never visited any of the breweries, climbed any of the mountains, or visited any of the national parks, but this place rocks, and the out of state ‘invasive species’ are ruining it!
CDA: If you haven’t lived here for 3 generations, you must have invaded from California, and therefore, I despise you.

All joking aside, I love both of these places. The greenery is far finer in CDA; the sun is superior in FTC. Either way, I’ll be a happy girl. I've still got 9 months until I even apply, so my musings are a bit premature.

What I’m cooking:

Antelope lasagna

(As I was firmly corrected by a wildlife biologist at a party, pronghorn is the more correct term since their phylogeny is all screwy. But as Jason pointed out, “I don’t think anyone will think I went to Namibia to shoot the damn thing.”)

Recipe here: http://honest-food.net/2009/11/19/not-my-mums-venison-lasagna/ 

I substituted 1.5 lbs of ground antelope (pronghorn!) for the whopping 3 lbs of mixed game meat this guy suggests. I also mixed the mozzarella with the ricotta and added an egg because, let’s face it, that’s just how I make lasagna. 

I'm getting a bit self-conscious about the carbo-liciousness of the recipes I've posted. They're usually the meals we make after a long run, so I've at least got an excuse for the general lack of healthfulness.  This week's Sunday run was a 16 mile trail run with enough vertical to make the effort similar to a 20+ mile road run, bringing my rather pathetic monthly total to 85 miles.  Weak sauce!  I promise to get my butt in gear for February.

Why I'll never be a real vet

Veterinarians generally have a wickedly humorous outlook of the world. The job necessitates it. Routine exposure to death, neglect, and financial pressure tends to push a shamefully large number of vets into nasty little habits like excessively swilling booze and eating bullets.  Humor is great at defusing tension, so I embrace it as an integral part of the profession.

Some of my classmates recently passed around a blog written by a group of sarcastic vets about their experiences dealing with clients. I expected it would provide a chuckle or two. (http://vetsbehavingbadly.blogspot.com/) Essentially, these vets have written a snarky exposé that rails on the utter stupidity of their clients.  I read a few entries, laughed a little, and then I started to feel a little nauseous.

The blog demonstrates precisely why I should never go into private practice, and why I’ll never use my degree to be what the general public recognizes as a “real” vet.

I can be judgmental and hold impossibly high standards for myself and others. I think people on the whole lack a bit of intelligence. I understand the frustration of working with a client who wants their “Dotsun spaded.” (That would be "Dachshund spayed.") I get that the animal's welfare is the top priority of these vets, and they despise it when owners get in the way. But it seems so ugly to post it publicly, in such a high volume, and with such vehemence.

I assure you that I can tolerate a little sarcasm on most subjects, and I don’t blame anyone for finding this blog funny (because it is). It’s just that this kind of anger is a very tangible concern for me. I don’t want to be vindictive enough that I post 100 rants about my job in a single month. That sort of long-term, low-grade seething would make me miserable, and I want no part of it. I have enough of that ugly tendency, naturally. See my grammar post as evidence...

I’d been toying with the idea of a combined PhD and Anatomic Pathology residency, but I hadn't fully committed myself to the pursuit since I’m a bit leery about going to college for 15 years, and I’m not sure they’ll even accept me into a program of that caliber. The validity of that career path has been confirmed to me over the past few weeks due, in small part, to my revelations regarding the vets behaving badly blog. Financial considerations and my overall happiness are, of course, much larger factors.

Pathologists are the most morbidly funny people I have ever met, and I’m not sure I can live up to such standards.  But I’d rather try to be funny unsuccessfully, as some of my blog posts have likely demonstrated, than be a champion at poking fun of people.

What I’m cooking:

Pumpkin Ricotta Gnocchi

Recipe here: http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/pumpkin_ricotta_gnocchi/

This was delicious! A little rich to be overtly healthy, but I’m not complaining.

My pictures turned out terribly due to the darkness in our kitchen and my general lack of photography skills, but here’s one, regardless.

January running: 71 miles

What Jason’s brewing:

A clone of Rochefort 8, which is one of his favorite beers

The English mild is now on tap and is supremely tasty

Running Log 1/9-1/15

I have a love/hate relationship with the foam roller.

My expectations were: Sweetjesus, this feels like Daniel Craig is massaging my thighs!  
Reality of the foam roller: Omigod, make it stop! *whimper*  


Since my IT band seems to be holding up, I'll say we've come to a tenuous truce.

Cooper, on the other hand, has found a better use for my medieval torture device.

Cutie patootie

Mon: 0 

Tues: 3 miles

Wed: 0 miles. P90x shoulders/arms, yoga, and plyometrics

Thurs: 5.5 miles. Pineridge natural area

Fri: 0

Sat: 4 miles, intervals on Power trail

Sun: 13 miles. Blue sky trail, half marathon course.  The trail is in decent shape--just a little mud down low.  I actually cut 15 minutes off my time from the race in Oct, but that's more a testament to my catastrophic breakdown during the race than actual fitness gains.

Weekly total: 25.5 miles

Monthly total so far: 48.5

That Awkward Moment…

…When you get halfway through your funny cat story while slightly buzzed at a party, and you realize you’ve told the story at least once before. 

Do you:

A) Finish the story and hope everyone finds it equally funny in the second telling

B) Curse your social ineptitude and vow never to drink again

C) Blog about it and hope your friends accept your incorrigible awkwardness

D) Wonder why you talk about your cat so much

E) All of the above

Oy vey.  I guess I should have named the blog Stupid Shit I've Done.

I used to be quiet, and I rarely made this sort of party faux pas. That’s the hidden prize of being shy—you consider your words carefully and know when to keep your fat trap shut. Stupid alcohol is ruining my carefully groomed sangfroid! I can only hope that repeatedly inserting my foot in my mouth is teaching me humility and grace.

But onto tastier things

What I’m cooking:

Tofu stir-fry! 

If you haven’t tried it, you shouldn’t knock it. It’s cheap ($1 of tofu easily feeds two people), it’s nutritious, and it’s extremely versatile. I’m talking about the blocks of plain old soy bean curd. If you start adding flavorings and shaping it into fake meat products, I jump ship. I once tried a tofurkey type product that tasted disturbingly like sausage, and it had the fat and sodium content to match, not to mention the hefty price tag. I fail to see how something so heavily processed and produced halfway around the world is healthier for your body or for the environment than locally grown meat.

Tofu is not a meat replacement in our household; it’s just another option. When I make tofu, I want it to taste like tofu, not faux meat.

Cardinal rules of tofu stir-fry:

1) Tofu must be pressed to expel excess liquid. I slice the block, wrap the pieces in a clean kitchen towel, and then place a plate on top with a can of beans or bag of flour…or beer growler. It can be a bit of a precarious balancing act. Press for at least 20 minutes, changing the towel if you want the tofu to get really firm. 

2) Tofu has little flavor on its own, so your sauce has to carry its weight. We often use a mix of chicken stock, soy sauce, garlic, ginger, and rice vinegar. Sometimes we add a little sherry, fish sauce, garlic-chili sauce, or a pinch of sugar, too. The tofu should marinate in your sauce while the veggies are cooking. 

3) Add the tofu and the sauce at the end, after you’ve cooked the veggies. Give it a few minutes for the tofu to heat through and your sauce to thicken. Serve over rice or noodles. We used udon noodles this time.

Bon appetit!

An Ode to the Monkey Whisperers

As I walk into our lecture hall, I feel a little inadequate. It’s kind of like walking into a superhero convention (a real one, not a bunch of fat dudes in costumes) and it’s clearly obvious that you have no secret powers. Nope, not even mad skills.

I expected vet school to be full of introverted bookworms who have trouble putting together a coherent sentence in front of more than one person. You know, like me. I was seriously banking on my classmates being painfully social awkward, so I could lord over them as the king of the geeks.

Instead, they’re freaks of nature in the coolest way possible. As I’m sitting in class, I glance around in earnest appreciation at my talented classmates to keep me awake. Sometimes it works.

There are the über runners, who set course records on lung-busting trail marathons, the guy who makes the most amazing bread ever, jaw-dropping artists, and several people who competed in high level equine events. They’re goddamned horse whisperers! Then there are the exotics folks, who save baby seals in their free time and probably give them a lesson in efficient swimming technique before setting them free. And we mustn’t forget the travelers, who dazzle us all with their humanitarian efforts. Some even accomplish these things with husband and kids in tow.

Meanwhile, I slog at an unenviable running pace (every day I’m shufflin’), bake mediocre bread (I have a loaf of rye on the counter that refuses to rise properly), can barely walk my horse to the round pen without tripping over my own foot, and I have a feeling that if I even looked at an exotic animal, it would throw its feces at me. To top it off, my last vacation was in Hawaii, where I ate and drank a lot but did nothing to improve the lives of anyone living there. Ehmm, I’m really good at taking multiple choice tests?

I am proud to be a member of this crazy clan. Everyone seems to have carved out their own little niche of awesomeness, so I’m not jealous of the talent surrounding me…even if I am just the equivalent of a kooky aunt who blurts out inappropriate things at Thanksgiving.

 
What I’m cooking: 

Jason and I have a little ritual where we each pick a recipe for the week to make for the other person. The fun part is that it has to be something a little different—intriguing spice combos, an ethnic food we’ve never tried, or something time-consuming or technically challenging that we wouldn’t normally choose for a quick, weekday type of meal. This recipe was my choice for the week due to its fun flavor profile. Gee, maybe I do make soup too often…

Spicy Thai Coconut Chicken Soup
Recipe from Cooking Light Magazine 

Ingredients
· 2 teaspoons canola oil
· 1 cup sliced mushrooms
· 1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper
· 4 teaspoons minced peeled fresh ginger
· 4 garlic cloves, minced
· 1 (3-inch) stalk lemongrass, halved lengthwise
· 2 teaspoons sambal oelek (ground fresh chile paste)
· 3 cups chicken stock
· 1 1/4 cups light coconut milk
· 4 teaspoons fish sauce
· 1 tablespoon sugar
· 2 cups shredded cooked chicken breast (about 8 ounces)
· 1/2 cup green onion strips
· 3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
· 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice

Heat a Dutch oven over medium heat. Add oil to pan; swirl to coat. Add mushrooms and the next 4 ingredients (through lemongrass); cook 3 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add chile paste; cook 1 minute. Add Chicken Stock, coconut milk, fish sauce, and sugar; bring to a simmer. Reduce heat to low; simmer for 10 minutes. Add chicken to pan; cook 1 minute or until thoroughly heated. Discard lemongrass. Top with onions, cilantro, and lime juice.

We really enjoyed this soup. It has a really nice balance of flavors and is different enough to throw you out of a ho hum chicken noodle soup rut. I followed the recipe as written, except I nearly doubled the chile paste since it didn’t have nearly enough zing for a Thai recipe and I used pork in place of chicken. My parents have been extremely generous in sharing their homegrown pork, so we very rarely purchase any meat. Other than pork, wild game is pretty much the only remaining meat on the menu.

 
A note about fish sauce. I think it should be a pantry staple. It’s an essential flavor in Asian cuisine, kind of like the Worcestershire sauce of the east. Although Jason and I both agree that it smells like cat food, trust me. It adds a wonderful depth and authenticity to your dish. Umami! Plus, it’s cheap, and it lasts forever. Hmm…I suddenly really want sushi.

God's gift to creative writing

I feel as if I cheated you out of a recipe yesterday. Freezing eggnog isn’t much of a culinary triumph, eh? Worse yet, I have been cheating you out of a good read, too.

I spent the majority of my childhood curled up with a book, and I used to extensively journal my life experiences.  I wrote vignettes that made sense and were actually entertaining. Had I continued on this path, the culmination of my life experiences would probably have been rattling off the spelling and definition of every blasted word on the SAT.

Then college. I stopped journaling, drank away a few brain cells, and my focus turned to the awe-inspiring lexicon of science.

Things deteriorated further during veterinary school. Words, once so vibrant and organized in my mind, are now hopelessly smudged and scattered around my gray matter. I don’t even know which homonym to use these days. I’m painfully aware that my prose is stilted and ungainly, but truthfully, just to write anything other than a research paper has been healthy for my psyche.

Meanwhile, the words phacoemulsification, opisthotonus, epistaxis, tachypnea, schistocytosis, and blepharospasm roll off my tongue with ease and can be retrieved from my memory banks in an instant. I suppose that means everything I knew as a child poured out my left ear as I packed doctor words into my right.

It’s ok, though, I have come up with a solution that will make my blog more palatable! Here is a miraculous tonic known for centuries to increase mental acuity, albeit at the expense of physical poise. This recipe is guaranteed to make you happier and my ramblings cleverer. You can’t lose. Unless you drive. Then, all the cleverness in the world can’t keep you from being a loser.

Bloody Mary

Fill pint glass ¾ full with ice cubes

Add:
1½ shots of vodka *See booze note at the end
½ - ¾ shot of gin
1 squirt of lemon juice (Amounts are not terribly important. They vary each time)
2-3 slugs of Worcestershire sauce—shake, shake, shake. There. Perfect amount
2 grinds of black pepper
3 shakes of Old Bay Seasoning
1-4 slugs of Tabasco sauce, depending on your fondness for spice
1 small glob of prepared horseradish (shown in precise metric measurements below)

Stir it up, and then top off with V8 juice. We like the spicy V8 juice, too. Regular tomato juice falls a bit flat for me, as I miss the celery taste that comes with V8. I suppose that could be remedied with a few dashes of celery salt.

Top with a garlic-stuffed olive, sliver of celery, peperoncinis, banana peppers…or one of each! 

*Booze note: Jason has recently been experimenting with infused vodkas. He made a lemon zest, black peppercorn and garlic vodka that was lip-smackingly good in a bloody mary. Essentially, you just put all the stuff together in a bottle, pour on some vodka, and let it sit. We taste along the way to determine when it’s time to strain—generally a few weeks. If we use infused vodka, we generally remove the corresponding seasoning from the recipe. Capiche? Pomegranate seeds also produce vodka that’s shockingly drinkable but naturally not recommended for addition to a bloody mary.

Voila! Nutritious and delicious. Best of all, they’re self-limiting!

If you can't round up the ingredients or remember the ingredients, it's time to stop and go to bed

Don’t judge me, but I have used this as a post-run recovery drink. Look ma, no hangover!

Eggnog Ice Cream

You may notice a slight change in the quality of photographs in this post. I wrangled my better half into being the resident photographer. Each of us took one photo included on this entry. If you can tell the difference, and mine comes out on top, I’ll bake you a plate of cookies. At the very least, I’ll valiantly try to dissuade my pooch from eagerly huffing your crotch as you walk through our front door. (It’s a work in progress.)

Two months ago, Jason decided we need to support more local businesses. Therefore, we signed up for milk delivery from a local dairy, just like all the other hippies on the block. I suppose a bill will come eventually, but until then, we will enjoy this dairy nirvana that magically appears in a cooler by our front step.

The problem materialized when I was home from veterinary school, studying for finals. Looking for any excuse to abjure my $100 doctor word solitude, I wandered around the premises until I found something engaging. What’s this? A lonely bottle of eggnog, sitting chilled, its plastic sucked in and begging to be released from its pressure.

Now, I don’t particularly like eggnog. Too thick, too sweet, too thigh-rubbing-together inducing. But, hey, cut with a little skim milk and a jigger of Bushmills, it made the studying smooth and filling. Plus, this is made from happy cows, so it’s healthy, right? Fast-forward a week, and I’ve swilled the entire quart of this elixir. I feel a bit sluggish and decide it’s time to visit the oracle, my bathroom scale. +5 lbs, it taunts. Seriously? I try replacing the batteries, but alas, I have to face the truth.

I vow never again to touch the stuff, and the next bottle sits unopened in the fridge. I demand Jason get rid of it, somehow. So naturally, Jason makes it into ice cream.

The ice cream maker has been a thorn in my side for over a year. We bought the KitchenAid attachment, only to discover our hip, retro freezer (goldenrod is IN, dudes!) was not up to the challenge of sufficiently chilling the mixing bowl attachment. I berated myself for purchasing an expensive and disappointing “unitasker.”  Nonetheless, I made several equally terrible batches of vanilla ice cream, mango sorbet, and even beet sherbet requiring obscenely long freezer times that produced unappetizing globs land-mined with enormous ice crystals and a freezer-burned aftertaste that would pickle the hair off a ginger kid.

Of course, Mr. Engineer finds the most logical solution—moving the entire operation outdoors. In the winter time. Did I mention it was 35 degrees? Perfect ice cream weather. 

The recipe is simple. Eggnog already contains the ingredients necessary—cream, eggs, and sugar. To a quart of eggnog, Jason added ¼ cup of heavy cream and ½ cup of chocolate porter beer. He’d read that adding a bit of alcohol to your ice cream keeps it from freezing into a solid brick, and I’m inclined to think this is a smart choice based on his results. 

It tastes marvelous. The eggnog mixture froze into miniscule crystals of creamy goodness as it grew and oozed out of the mixing bowl. So much for my swearing off eggnog.

But, hey, it’s ok. Now it’s dessert, so I’m allowed to partake. Maybe even an eggnog float with some whiskey? Why, yes, I don’t mind if I do. Hello beautiful, where have you been all month?!?

Running Log 1/2-1/8

I'll include my running logs as a way to keep me honest, even though they're not likely to excite much general interest. 

Monday: 0 miles. Resting from the slight IT band tightness I felt from 10 miles on Sunday. P90X stretch video and a touch of Pilates

Tuesday: 0 miles. As above. P90X yoga, and Shoulders/Arms. Tony Horton has got to be the most annoying meathead on the planet, but damn, my arms look good!

Wednesday: 4 miles. Tempo run! 8:30 pace overall, which is fairly swift for me. Felt great to be moving.

Thursday: 3 miles. O&B on Spring Creek trail. It was 60 degrees this day. Shorts and a tanktop. Love!

Friday: 5 miles, trail. From Maxwell TH, up and over to the reservoir. A bit muddy—Montrail Mountain Masochist shoes really pack up with clay! I like them well enough to have ordered another pair from Steep and Cheap ($45!) because they’re great on the rocks, which are more abundant here than mud. Watched the sun set over Horsetooth and saw numerous mule deer.

Saturday: 0 miles. True rest. Ate a bunch of sourdough and watched Jason brew.

Sunday: 11 miles. Poudre trail to Sherwood, south through campus, Spring Creek trail home. Felt strong but slow

Weekly total: 23 miles

Monthly total so far: 33 miles

Upcoming events:

Moab Red Hot 33k, February 17th
http://grassrootsevents.net/home/moabs-red-hot-55k-33k/red-hot-details/
Goal: Just finish, have fun, and meet new people in the Fort Collins Trail Running Group

Horsetooth Half Marathon, April 22nd
http://www.horsetoothhalfmarathon.com/
Goal: Time of 1:55:XX, 8:45 pace

General running goal: run at least 1,000 miles in 2012

What I’m cooking:

Sourdough EVERYTHING!

I made a starter using these guidelines: http://www.sourdoughhome.com/professorcalvelsstarter.html

Since I'm incapable of throwing food away, I’ve been making bread from the discarded portions from each feeding by adding a tsp of salt and then kneading in enough flour to make a nice, elastic dough. Traditional sourdough, wheat sourdough, rosemary, cinnamon-raisin, sourdough pancakes…you name it! The starter isn't producing overly sour bread, but the texture is the best I’ve ever made—nice even crumbs and great crust. I’ve been baking the breads at 450 on a pizza stone with a cookie tray of water underneath until the internal temperature reaches 195.



Now that my starter is stable, I’m thinking of tossing it in the refrigerator, so I don’t have to feed it twice a day. Anyone have experience with this? I’ve read some opinions that this ruins the starter, but I have to take the chance, since I’m being over-run with bread, and I won’t have time (or enough flour) to keep feeding this hungry monster.

What Jason’s brewing:

Irish Red Ale for St. Patrick’s Day. He’s also got a corned antelope roast going.

Random happy dance: I discovered free ibooks. Spent last evening reliving my childhood reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Next up, Treasure Island!

Whole Foods. Literally

I can’t even begin to remember how many times I’ve heard the words, “Sweetheart, what happened to the…?” Cucumber, squash, melon, etc. And every time, the answer, “Erhm, I ate it.”

The first time Jason caught me crunching a cucumber whole, like an apple, he just shook his head. “You are a very strange girl.”

Then there’s the disappearing squash. “Wait, you ate the ENTIRE squash?”

“I was HUNGRY!”

My point is that I love foods in their natural form. Whole, pure, and unadulterated. So crisp, sour, gritty, juicy, creamy, even earthy…how could you defile this stuff with fatty dressings or sauces?

We cook more than the average Jones, and I’m pretty sure we enjoy our food a heck of lot more, too. We waste almost nothing, and we buy very little that is pre-packaged. I should also mention that in addition to his home-brewing, Jason does about 75% of the cooking in our little household. What a catch! I do the majority of the baking, which includes making hypoallergenic dog treats for that fuzzy pain in my rear.

Our culinary tastes are very similar, and we’re eager to try new things, which makes menu planning a breeze. There’s only one area in which we notably disagree. Soup. I discovered this one evening when I had made a nice brothy soup punctuated by some fresh veggies. He sipped it quietly, until he suddenly stood, padded over to the kitchen, and snagged two slices of bread. Indignant, I demanded to know why he hated my soup.

“It’s good, babe,” he replied. “But soup is not a meal.”

Since this episode, I have made sure to add some noodles or meat to my soups. Blending veggie soups seems to be more satisfactory to his tastes, also. Along those lines, here’s a recipe that we both love.

Butternut Squash Soup

1 medium onion, diced
1 medium buttnernut squash, peeled and diced into 1-2 inch cubes, or 1 small butternut squash and several medium carrots or equivalent quantity of pumpkin. (My favorite is the squash/carrot mix)
Chicken stock—preferably homemade
Heavy dash of cayenne pepper
1-2 inch knob Ginger root, grated, or 1 tsp ginger powder
1 tsp. curry powder
1-2 T butter
Up to ¼ cup heavy cream
Salt and pepper

Saute onion in a little bit of oil until soft in a soup pot. Add butternut squash and cook for another 5 minutes.

Add enough chicken stock (homemade is totally worth it, in my opinion!) to come 3/4 the way up the veggies. Bring to a boil, and then cover with lid and reduce to a simmer until the squash is soft (30-45 min, depending on the size of your chunks).

Add spices. If you’re using unsalted homemade stock, you’ll need at least 1 tablespoon of salt. If using canned broth, 1 tsp. might be enough. I’ve also added about a tsp of thyme leaves to this recipe. It’s surprisingly tasty.

Mash the soup to desired consistency. I use an immersion blender to get it mostly smooth, but you can transfer it in batches to your blender if you're feeling ambitious.

To add some creaminess without a lot of calories, stir in butter and a few tablespoons of cream (up to 1/4 cup). You can add a cup or two of milk, instead, but you'll want to reduce your original amount of chicken stock.

The infamous soup. Note the added flatbread to make it a "real" meal. I drizzled in a coconut milk reduction to this particular batch, which was quite tasty

As a random side note: don’t peel your carrots. Or potatoes. Or ginger root. Don’t pick through your fresh herbs obsessively. Chop it up, and throw it in. Eat it, and enjoy. There’s very little that will kill you, very little that will ruin the texture of the final product, and as an added bonus, the peels generally add nutrients.

What Jason’s brewing:

Chocolate porter

Excuse me, ma'am, your ignorance is bringing out my ugliness

I’m here because I need a break from Facebook. If I had a better sense of humor, maybe I’d still be scouring the onslaught of personal outpourings. After all, there is an overwhelming hilarity in the status, “I am the auther of my life, unfortunatly im writting in pen, and i cant erase my mistakes.”

Seriously, that’s some funny shit right there. I would be laughing, except the irony is lost on the author. Instead of having a private giggle-fest every time I’m online, I tend to do a lot of face-palming and yelling to Jason in the other room, “Our nation is doomed!”

New Year’s Day nearly pushed me over the edge with vows to “loose weight,” but my shortest fuses are reserved for “your welcome” and “congradulations.” MY WELCOME?!

The most problematic issue is not a few gratuitous errors. Heck, everyone makes them. I’m sure the eager grammar Nazis among you will scour this diatribe and find several I have made. The bigger issue is blatant ignorance. Or is it sloppiness? I can never tell. The closest to religion I get is reading a book and learning something new. Such egregious mistakes feel like someone’s taking a dump on everything I value.

Notably, the worst offenders on my friend list are those who did not pursue education after high school. Higher education is certainly not appropriate for everyone, but that doesn’t mean you get a free pass to forget everything you were taught in Elementary school. Thankfully, formal education is still inferior to a keen intellect that has been nurtured by an insatiable curiosity. Learning, it seems, is available to all who wish to enter the halls of truth.

I know this is enormously judgmental on my part, and I do feel tremendous guilt over my intolerance. But if I ever become complacent enough to “like” a status such as, “Just took a 20 hour nap, LULZ! Luv my life,” I may have to lock myself in a room with some Dostoevsky until my senses are regained.

EDIT: Jason informs me that I come across as an elitist asshole in this post (not his exact words).  I know, I'm sorry.  It was not my intention to attack those who lack formal education.  Truth be told, I have a very specific group of people who ruin FB for me.  The underlying issue is that I'm a bit ashamed of some of the bigotry and ignorance that emanates from my home state of Idaho.  When I see a stay at home mom, who homeschools her multiple kids, posting ridiculous and hateful nonsense on FB, I get angry (justifiably, I hope).  FB is not the appropriate forum to call someone out, so I simply unfriend them (and passive-aggressively mock their intelligence).  But there is always another one waiting to take their place.  Ergo, I started this blog as a more productive outlet.  I hope you enjoy it and don't think I'm a complete jerk!  Moving on...

What I’m cooking:

Chocolate pudding, recipe courtesy of Cooking Light magazine

http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/chocolate-pudding-10000001215889/

I used 60% bittersweet chocolate and was pleased with the results. Very thick, creamy, and excellent ratio of tastiness to difficulty level. If you’re somewhat new to the kitchen, be careful about boiling the milk. Heat slowly and whisk frequently to avoid nasty chunkies and horrendous boil-overs.

What Jason’s brewing:

English Mild

The all grain set-up